Sunday, November 15, 2009

1 week at home.....

Good Morning All! I apologize for not updating sooner. It has been one week since we brought Carter-Man home with the knowledge that we have of the progression of the tumor. Needless to say, our hearts are simply broken..broken for us, for Caroline and Tommy, and our entire family and friends. We had high hopes that Carter would beat this. We knew the odds but still we kept our faith. Have we lost faith? ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!! Since coming home we have gone through a variety of emotions. When we first brought him home, we were not sure what to expect. Would he take his last breath the next day...would we be here alone....would it be peaceful or would we tell Caroline and would we tell our parents?? The questions are still unending and unanswered. Carter-Man continues to move along. Since coming home, he has been anointed with oil and has been prayed over by several people. In the Bible, in the book of James it reads,
"Are any of you sick? You should call for the elders of the church to come and pray over you, anointing you with oil in the name of the Lord. Such a prayer offered in faith will heal the sick, and the Lord will make you well." (James 14-15). We still have that at this point in this journey, the only way for Carter to be healed is through the hands of our Lord. We have the report from the doctors. We know what we have been told and somewhere, deep in my heart and soul, I still hope and pray for a that only the Lord can give. There are no medical treatment options left. There is only one option left and I continue to pray for healing. I know that God may choose to heal Carter-Man in heaven but I pray every second of everyday, that he chooses to heal him here on earth and lift him from his hospital bed and restore him to health. God is still into miracles..why not my Carter-Man? Some may say I am in denial and I tell them NO, I am not..I have that the Lord has poured into my heart and I will keep that faith no matter the outcome. If the Lord chooses to bring Carter-Man home to him versus healing him here on earth, I will remain faithful with the knowledge that the Lord has promised that I will see him again one day!!!

Carter-Man has had an abundance of visitors and for that we are very thankful. We are so very lucky to have the support of family, friends,nurses, doctors, and a community that truly is unbelievable. I am proud to be a part of such a wonderful place. Many wonderful things have been done....Kerry brought me a framed collage of pictures of Carter-Man and her son, Dawson which is so very special to us.....Apryl brought me a framed picture of the girls that dance at our church's Backyard Theatre holding a sign that says "BYT loves Carter"- it is AWESOME!!!....Ashley made molds of Carter-Man's hands and also a mold of me holding his hand. I must say, they are AMAZING!!!! She is also going to make a mold of his feet today and one of Skip holding his hand. We plan to have them mounted together! I cried last night when I saw them drying on my armoire. How very special these pieces of art are to me! Ashley and Becca so graciously took on the responsibility of cleaning and organizing the playroom in the basement. If you have ever been down there, you know how much of a task that is! Thank you, ladies:) Many have asked how we are coping? It is very obvious that Skip and I are coping very differently. This is why we work so well together. He stays on the couch near Carter's bed and rarely goes anywhere else in the house. I, on the other hand, keep busy. I rarely sit down! With the help of some wonderful people (Sandra, Wendy, Barbara), I have reorganized and reorganized and cleaned and cleaned. They are the driving force and have helped to keep me busy. Yesterday we completely revamped the organization of the upstairs and cleaned like crazy! It is therapeutic to me and Skip thinks I am crazy! We laugh about it together as the day comes to a close. As far as sleep goes, Skip does not get much. I get some but not as much as I!!! I sleep upstairs with Caroline but wake easily and come down to check on Carter-Man and Skip. Skip normally naps in the morning and that works for us. It allows me time to get my OCD cleaning behavior out before he comes down!!! We still have our wonderful nurse and of course, our hospice nurse comes everyday during the week. She has noticed some changes in Carter's breathing. We have also seen his heart rate drop is very scary and we tend to panic when it gets low. The beeping of the pulse ox sends shivers down my spine. This is an unimaginably hard time but I try and keep it together for Caroline and Tommy and the rest of the family. I cry a lot but it is normally when I am alone. It seems that if I fall apart, the rest of the family really falls apart. They are already in pieces and I feel like I need to be strong for them. It may seem backwards and it may be, but it works for us!

I want to thank everyone that has called, sent messages and cards, come by to visit, brought food, and for all of the prayers that have been said. We are still praying for a miracle and we pray for peace..peace for all of us!!! Please join us in prayer for these things!!!!

Love to you all,