Friday, January 14, 2011


It is with a very heavy heart that I share the news of Sweet Alexis Agin's passing. She passed peacefully in the comfort of her own home. Please pray for her family as they face the days, weeks, and years ahead. Alexis fought a hard fight- she is and will continue to be a pillar of strength and faith in the DIPG community. Her father has asked that donations be made to Thank you all for your continued support!

Love Always,


Tuesday, December 14, 2010

One Year Ago Today....

One year ago today our loving God looked down upon us and decided our sweet boy had fought long and hard enough. It was time for him to go home. Although our hearts were ripped into small pieces, never to be restored again, we knew it was time to let him go...go to a place where there is no pain, no suffering, where there is unimagineable love, where his grandfather and great grandparents awaited him, a place we know he is today, smiling down upon us, a place where we know he is better than we could ever imagine. Don't mistake, I hate that he is not hear with us but my faith reminds me every minute that he is with his maker, the one who loves him more than we could ever imagine. It also brings us comfort that my father was waiting for him. I know how much my father loved children and his grandchildren would have been his Carter is with him and I have no doubt that they are experiencing more joy than we could ever imagine and for that I am thankful.

One year ago today, we lost our precious son whom we adored. That day was painful, physically and emotionally. We both felt ill, as though we were truly coming down with a virus. The pain of losing a child is not just emotional but also physical. As this day has appraoched, I have felt that physical pain again. I feel it more now than ever. When Carter passed, we felt a sense of releif, not for us but for him. We hated to see him suffer...he could no longer talk, laugh, move, was a horrible way for a 6 year old to live. We had no clue what was to come. For me, it is more difficult now than then. I miss him more as the days pass. I miss his smile and his laughter, his amazing personality. I miss all of the things that we would be experiencing today....2nd grade, football, t-ball, swimming, Christmas with all 3 of our hurts and I imagine this wil not go away as we watch other children experience all of the milestones that we so badly wanted to see Carter surpass. Our faith pushes us on. The sheer force of life pushes us on. Tommy and Caroline push us on! We pray for strength and rely on the prayers from others!!!

As we go throughout our day, we will have family here and we have something special planned for Caroline when she gets home. I want to thank the person or people who put the luminaries in our yard and the poinsettias. It was so very thoughtful and it reminded us that Carter will never be forgotten and how he touched so many peoples lives. Thank you so much! It truly means so much to us:)

I wanted to share a poem that my dear friend, Christine, sent to me after Carter passed. I read it often for reassurance!

"I'll lend you for a little time a child of mine," He said.
"For you to love the while he lives and mourn when he is dead,
"It may be six or seven years, or twenty-two or three,
"But will you, till I call him back, take care of him for me?
"He'll bring his charms to gladden you, but should his stay be brief,
"You'll have his lovely memories, as solace for your grief,
"I cannot promise he will stay, since all from earth return,
"But there are lessons taught down there I want this child to learn.
"I've looked the wide world over in my search for teachers true,
"And from the throngs that crowd life's lanes I have selected you.
"Now will you give him all your love, nor think the labor vain,
"Nor hate me when I come to call to take him back again?
I fancied that I heard them say: "Dear Lord, Thy will be done!
"For all the joy Thy child shall bring, the risk of grief we'll run.
We'll shelter him with tenderness; we'll love him while we may,
And for happiness we've known forever grateful stay.
"But should the angels call for him much sooner than we'd planned,
"We'll brave the bitter grief that comes and try to understand".

There is also another poem I received this week from my dear friend, Dawn that I wanted to share!

Tiny Angels
Tiny Angels rest your wings
sit with me for awhile.
How I long to hold your hand,
And see your tender smile.
Tiny Angel, look at me,
I want this image clear....
That I will forget your precious face
Is my biggest fear.
Tiny Angel can you tell me,
Why you have gone away?
You weren't here for very long....
Why is it, you couldn't stay?
Tiny Angel shook his head,
"These things I do not know....
But I do know that you love me,
And that I love you so".

I hope that you all have a blessed holiday season!!!

Please pray for my dear friend, Jaime and her family, as her Dad was called home this morning!

Also, please continue to pray for sweet Alexis Agiun as she continues to fight!!

With Love,


The picture below was the last picture taken before Carter was diagnosed. It is a true picture of Carter- his smile, his laughter, and his amazing personality!!! Thank you, Becca, for taking this:)

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Christmas Parade

Tonight is the annual Christmas parade in downtown Fredericksburg. This has always been a big event for our family. We all gather with hot chocolate and goodies for the children. We are all bundled up and ready to watch as the holiday season is truly kicked off. As I get ready for tonight, I feel the absence, the absence of my precious baby. He loved the holidays and especially the parade. There will be a huge void tonight but I know he will be watching over us! I have included pictures of him at the last parade he attended in 2008 and of Caroline and Tommy. We are so blessed with all three of them:)

Carter, we miss and love you more than words could ever express!!!

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Happy Thanksgiving

I would like to wish everyone a very Happy Thanksgiving! I hope that all of you are surrounded by love, laughter, family, and friends!!

As I reflect on past Thanksgivings, I remember the wonderful memories I have of Carter. I remember his laughter, his contagious smile, and most of all his love of family gatherings. He always looked so forward to when we were all together. Carter had a tremendous love for his family. Also, I must not forget, his love for food, especially his "fweets". On holidays, he knew that where we all came together there was food. Carter LOVED to eat! He would anticipate what Grandma and Gagee were cooking. Yes, they normally do the majority of the cooking. He knew that there would be lots of things that he would LOVE. They always have made sure that there are several things that are "child-friendly". Oh how he loved Thanksgiving. Not only did it mean a family gathering, but it meant LOTS OF FOOD!!!! And boy did that make him happy!!!!! It makes me smile to remember and at the same time it breaks my heart into one thousand pieces. This will be our first Thanksgiving without our sweet boy. Last year we were blessed to have him here with us and for that we were so thankful. Over the last month, I have thought about things I am thankful for. I have to be times it was so difficult. All I could think about was the fact that Carter was not here with me..what in the world do I have to be thankful for? I prayed and I prayed and asked God to remind me of all the things I have to be thankful for and of course, he delivered. He reminded me of all of the blessings that I have...a family that is like no other- a mother who would do anything to assure my happiness, a step father that gives beyond measure and is always there for us, a husband who is remarkable in every way, a grandmother who God uses as a tool in our family to provide us with strength and comfort, an aunt who loves unconditionally and has provided a void in my life for many years, in-laws that are caring, loving and supportive, a brother and soon to be sister in law who are loving and always a phone call away, a sister who, although far away in distance, is always there when needed and close to us in heart, and most of all a energetic, full of life, compassionate, loving, independent daughter whom I love more than words could ever express. She is the reason that I am able to move on...When I rise in the morning, I know that she needs me and that gives me the drive I need to get up and go. The list could go on..when I asked God to remind me, he did and he did it beyond measure!!! My entire family was and still is amazing. They realize that some days are better than others....and they understand because they too have good and bad days!! We are all in this together and although no words may be spoken, we just understand!!! I am also thankful for the network of friends that God blessed me with. The majority of my closest friends have been in my life for 15-20 years and even more! I am so thankful for them and their support of Carter and our family. And I could not forget, the friends I have met along this journey. They are truly a God-send. Although none of us wanted to be in this "club", we are lucky to not be alone. I love them all dearly and am thankful for their love and friendship. So as you begin your thanksgiving day, please remember to be your family, hold your children as tight as possible, assure them how much you love them, and most of all be thankful!!! There are families, like ours, that are spending their first Thanksgiving without their child and there are families who are not spending Thanksgiving like they should be..their children are struggling and fighting for their life. Please be thankful for the blessings in your life!!!!

Please keep us in your prayers today as we face this first nd all of the families spending Thanksgiving with a void intheir life! Please also keep sweet Alexis Agin and her family in your thoughts and prayers as she is in the midst of this horrific battle.

Happy Thanksgiving to all!!!!


Courtney with Carter on my mind and in my heart!!!

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Golf Tournament

Good Morning, everyone! The golf tournament for Carter' Crusaders is rapidly approaching. It is October 7th at Lee's Hill Golf Course. I have about 10 hole sponsors but need many more. I am hoping to make this a huge success. Not only did little Declan lose his battle, there are 2 other children (that I know of) in the area that are battling brain cancer. One of those children is the child of someone who grew up on the same street as myself. He is 12 years old and was very athletic- he is now unable to play any sports. He is currently undergoing treatment. THIS HAS TO END!!! The only way for that to happen is to raise awareness and money for research. We have changed the way that we will split the proceeds- 1/4 will go to The Cure Starts Now, 1/4 to Just One More Day, 1/2 will be split between the 2 local families. Please help us make this a success. If you would like to register to play or sponsor a hole, please contact Chuck Harris at Lee's Hill at 891-0111. Thank you again for your continued support!!!

Thursday, September 2, 2010

September is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month!!!

Please be aware that September is Childhood Cancer Awareness Month! I was reading on all of the sites of children that I follow and I found these statistics on a page in honor of a little boy, Declan ( Declan's story has touched my heart in a very profound way. He battled AT/RT for about 6 months and then went home to Heaven just days before his 1st Birthday. There is also another local couple whose daughter is battling AT/RT. Visit! I wanted to share these statistics with you as we enter the month of September. Please wear a gold ribbon this month and share Carter's story with someone. Visit Declan's page and Evy's page and share their stories. Let others know that childhood cancer does exist and it is absolutely necessary that we find a cure!!!

- The American Cancer Society’s Annual Report shows $1 BILLION in total public support and it’s Extramural/Intramural Funding in Priority Areas shows only $4 MILLION is directed to childhood cancers. Less than half a penny of each of these dollars is directed to the #1 killing disease for kids under the age of 20

- For children between 1-19 years, cancer is the fourth leading cause of death overall, and the leading cause of disease related death. It remains responsible for more deaths from ages 1-19 than asthma, diabetes, cystic fibrosis and AIDS COMBINED

- Approximately 46 U.S. children and adolescents are diagnosed with cancer every single day

- 1 in every 330 children will develop cancer before the age of 19

- National Cancer Institute’s Federal Budget was $4.6 billion from this total ALL twelve major pediatric cancers received LESS THAN 3% of this budget

- For every six research dollars per patient with AIDS and every one research dollar per patient with breast cancer, a child with cancer receives only 30 cents

- Common adult cancers are extremely rare in children, yet there are many cancers that are almost exclusively found in children

- 1 out of every 5 children diagnosed with cancer dies

- 3 out of every 5 children diagnosed with cancer suffer from long-term or late onset side effects

- Common cancer symptoms in children are often suspected to be common illnesses and thus treated as such causing cancer to be found at later stages

- Attempts to detect childhood cancers at an earlier stage when the disease would react more favorably to treatment have largely failed

- Approximately 20% of adults with cancer show evidence that their disease has spread, yet almost 80% of children show that their cancer has spread to distant sites

- Cause of childhood cancers are unknown and at present, cannot be prevented

- Nationally, childhood cancer is 20 times more prevalent than pediatric AIDS yet pediatric AIDS receives four times the funding that childhood cancer receives

- On the average, 12,500 children in the US are diagnosed with cancer each year

- On the average, one in ever four elementary schools has a child with cancer

- 2,300 children and teenagers will die each year from cancer

- Several childhood cancers continue to have a very poor prognosis, including brain stem tumors, metastatic sarcomas and relapsed acute lymphoblastic leukemia and relapsed non-Hodgkin’s lymphoma

- Every day 9 children in the US are diagnosed with a brain tumor

- Brain tumors are the leading cause of cancer death from childhood cancer

- There are more than 120 different types of brain tumors, making effective treatment very complicated

- Because brain tumors are located at the control center for thought, emotion and movement, their effects on a child’s physical and cognitive abilities can be devastating

- At this time, brain cancer research is underfunded and THE PUBLIC REMAINS LARGELY UNAWARE of the magnitude of this disease

- The cure rate for most brain cancers is significantly lower than that for many other types of cancer

- The funding for pediatric cancer clinical trials has gone down every year since 2003, and is currently $26.4 million. By comparison, NCI funding for AIDS research was $254 million in 2006; funding for breast cancer topped $584 million the same year

- We may spend 3-5 times the amount of research money per patient on most adult cancer cases than we do on children with cancer

- In general, children with Central Nervous System (CNS) cancer do not share the favorable prognosis of those with many other common pediatric neoplasms


Sunday, August 29, 2010

Happy 7th Birthday, Carter-Man!!!

Dearest Carter,
Seven years ago today God gave your Daddy and I the most precious gift- a beautiful, precious, happy, healthy baby boy and that was you! You and your sister, Caroline are the most precious gifts I have ever received. I knew from the moment that you were born that you were very special! I told everyone close to us that you were special- they,of course, thought I was just another new mother doting over her newborn. However, I knew different. There was a certain thing about you that told my heart you were different- I knew God had huge plans for you. The day that you were born there were 43, yes 43, people waiting for you to be delivered. Your Aunt Jenny counted for me so that I would know just how very special you were!!! She also told me of a man who stopped to ask her if everyone had come on a bus- she just laughed! He also asked her if a king was being born- of course she replied yes and she was right- YOU ARE A KING, sent from the Greatest King of all time, our loving God! Today marks 7 years since that day. I am glad that I did not know then what I know. In your short 6 years here on earth, you touched more lives than I knew possible. Even before you fell ill, you melted the hearts of everyone you met with your sweet smile, your contagious laugh and your zest for life. Anyone who met you loved you. Throughout those short 6 years, I longed to watch you grow up and do the things that little boys do- play baseball with the big boys (as you would say),continue to play football (even though it made me soooo nervous), swim on the swim team (which you LOVED), climb the grade ladders at school, learn to read, loose your 1st tooth, have your first girlfriend, go the Homecoming and Prom, and eventually spread your wings and fly and go on to college and get married and have children. Unfortunately for me, God had a different plan- a plan that breaks my heart daily, although I trust in Gods plan and know that although short in years, your life was rich in many other ways! You are the bravest, most courageous child I know. Throughout your battle, you still showed us that sweet smile and amazing personality. You always made me so very proud and you continue to do so. I continue to see your impact on this world and it brings a smile to my face and a tear to my eye.

Today and every birthday hereafter, we will celebrate your life just as I know you would want us to. We will eat spaghetti (your favorite food) and have cake. Although sadness will be present, we will celebrate- celebrate your life and how very thankful we are for the time that we had with you here on earth. We will look forward to the day we get to see you again and touch your sweet face and kiss you!! I know that you are dancing with the angels today, including Dad, Papa, Gran, and Nanny, and that, my sweet boy, makes me happy!!!! Happy Birthday, my sweet Carter-Man! I love you and miss you so very much!!!

Love you with all of my heart,