Tuesday, December 14, 2010

One Year Ago Today....

One year ago today our loving God looked down upon us and decided our sweet boy had fought long and hard enough. It was time for him to go home. Although our hearts were ripped into small pieces, never to be restored again, we knew it was time to let him go...go to a place where there is no pain, no suffering, where there is unimagineable love, where his grandfather and great grandparents awaited him, a place we know he is today, smiling down upon us, a place where we know he is better than we could ever imagine. Don't mistake, I hate that he is not hear with us but my faith reminds me every minute that he is with his maker, the one who loves him more than we could ever imagine. It also brings us comfort that my father was waiting for him. I know how much my father loved children and his grandchildren would have been his world...now Carter is with him and I have no doubt that they are experiencing more joy than we could ever imagine and for that I am thankful.

One year ago today, we lost our precious son whom we adored. That day was painful, physically and emotionally. We both felt ill, as though we were truly coming down with a virus. The pain of losing a child is not just emotional but also physical. As this day has appraoched, I have felt that physical pain again. I feel it more now than ever. When Carter passed, we felt a sense of releif, not for us but for him. We hated to see him suffer...he could no longer talk, laugh, move, smile....it was a horrible way for a 6 year old to live. We had no clue what was to come. For me, it is more difficult now than then. I miss him more as the days pass. I miss his smile and his laughter, his amazing personality. I miss all of the things that we would be experiencing today....2nd grade, football, t-ball, swimming, Christmas with all 3 of our children...it hurts and I imagine this wil not go away as we watch other children experience all of the milestones that we so badly wanted to see Carter surpass. Our faith pushes us on. The sheer force of life pushes us on. Tommy and Caroline push us on! We pray for strength and rely on the prayers from others!!!

As we go throughout our day, we will have family here and we have something special planned for Caroline when she gets home. I want to thank the person or people who put the luminaries in our yard and the poinsettias. It was so very thoughtful and it reminded us that Carter will never be forgotten and how he touched so many peoples lives. Thank you so much! It truly means so much to us:)

I wanted to share a poem that my dear friend, Christine, sent to me after Carter passed. I read it often for reassurance!

"I'll lend you for a little time a child of mine," He said.
"For you to love the while he lives and mourn when he is dead,
"It may be six or seven years, or twenty-two or three,
"But will you, till I call him back, take care of him for me?
"He'll bring his charms to gladden you, but should his stay be brief,
"You'll have his lovely memories, as solace for your grief,
"I cannot promise he will stay, since all from earth return,
"But there are lessons taught down there I want this child to learn.
"I've looked the wide world over in my search for teachers true,
"And from the throngs that crowd life's lanes I have selected you.
"Now will you give him all your love, nor think the labor vain,
"Nor hate me when I come to call to take him back again?
I fancied that I heard them say: "Dear Lord, Thy will be done!
"For all the joy Thy child shall bring, the risk of grief we'll run.
We'll shelter him with tenderness; we'll love him while we may,
And for happiness we've known forever grateful stay.
"But should the angels call for him much sooner than we'd planned,
"We'll brave the bitter grief that comes and try to understand".

There is also another poem I received this week from my dear friend, Dawn that I wanted to share!

Tiny Angels
Tiny Angels rest your wings
sit with me for awhile.
How I long to hold your hand,
And see your tender smile.
Tiny Angel, look at me,
I want this image clear....
That I will forget your precious face
Is my biggest fear.
Tiny Angel can you tell me,
Why you have gone away?
You weren't here for very long....
Why is it, you couldn't stay?
Tiny Angel shook his head,
"These things I do not know....
But I do know that you love me,
And that I love you so".

I hope that you all have a blessed holiday season!!!

Please pray for my dear friend, Jaime and her family, as her Dad was called home this morning!

Also, please continue to pray for sweet Alexis Agiun as she continues to fight!!

With Love,


The picture below was the last picture taken before Carter was diagnosed. It is a true picture of Carter- his smile, his laughter, and his amazing personality!!! Thank you, Becca, for taking this:)

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