Thursday, January 14, 2010

One Month Ago....

One month ago today, our lives changed forever. We lost our precious baby boy to a terrible monster...a monster that we are determined to defeat, to assure that no other family or child has to lose to. As the days go by, we become more aware of the lack of funding and the lack of awareness for DIPG or for that matter, all pediatric cancer. I was talking with a friend the other day regarding Pandora bracelets and she remarked that they even make charms for breast cancer awareness. I did not say anything at the time but I thought, WOW, yet another example of how our children are not getting the attention they need. I checked and sure enough there is no charm for pediatric cancer. Please do not misunderstand, I am thankful that the treatment for breast cancer has come so far and the reason for that is awareness and funding. I have a friend whose mother just reached her 5 year cancer free mark and for that I am thankful!!! I am thankful that there was enough funding and awareness to allow her to reach that mark and allow her to watch her children and grandchildren grow. I have talked to two other women in the last 2 weeks that have beaten breast cancer and again I was thankful and hopeful. Hopeful that one day, the children who are diagnosed with DIPG will not have such a poor prognosis, that their parents can have hope when they leave a pediatric oncologist's office...all because we screamed, we fought, we donated, and we made people aware that this monster DOES exist. It does affect normal, happy, healthy children. It CAN happen to ANYONE!!! One day, I KNOW that we will make a difference but WE NEED ALL THE HELP WE CAN GET!!! As we start this new year, please consider wearing a gold ribbon, buying a gold ribbon for your car,or just telling someone about Carter's journey. Please donate to The Cure Starts Now ( or The Just One More Day Foundation ( Even if it is $1.00, IT WILL HELP!! It will help a family just like us and even if it saves just one child's life it is worth it! We are so thankful for all of the donations we have received and are preparing to split a portion of the proceeds between these two foundations!!!

As for how we are you can imagine, we are hurt and devastated. The void in our life becomes more obvious everyday. Honestly, I feel as if the pain has gotten worse. Our home, which was once packed with people, is now quiet. We miss our Carter-Man more than words could ever express. Unless you have ever lost a child, you could not imagine. It is a pain that hurts to the core. It makes it hard to go to sleep at night and hard to get out of the bed in the morning. When we do rise, we look over and see that sweet face of our precious Caroline and the world seems a little brighter and we rise to prepare for another day of trying to make her happy! She keeps me going. I know that she needs me and that gives me strength. I pray all day long..I pray for strength and continues signs that Carter is okay. Although I know he is just fine, I still feel the need for him to let me know and rest assured he does in more ways than one. He is still with us and he makes sure we know. Thank you sweet boy...we need all of those signs. I must tell you- I finally had Carter's picture added to a website titled, I happened to randomly check last Friday to see if it had been put on there and as I scrolled down the page and I saw his precious face on that page, my heart sunk, the tears started to roll, and reality hit me like a ton of bricks. Carter IS one of those children who lost his battle to this monster. It was hard, probably one of the hardest moments yet. I am thankful that Jenny was here to help me through that. It took awhile to compose myself but I managed. It was just so hard for me to grasp the fact that he was not here with me and it still is. Today marked one month since Carter's passing and as I awoke, I cried. I got myself ready, got Caroline ready and headed to take her to school. What I thought would be a day doomed from the start actually turned out to be a very good day. Skip and I were blessed to be able to spend the whole day with Baby Lauren. We had a wonderful day. She was such a joy. She brought us joy. We both feel that there is a part of Carter in her. She has a way about her that tells me that Carter is with her and that gives me peace. She made me laugh all day and made me smile on a day that I thought no smiles were possible. She and Carter always had a very strong bond and now I know why. She still talks about him, referring to him as "Man". She walked around my house today pointing at all of his pictures continuously repeating "Man"! I laughed each time and she would laugh back at me. I know he was here with me today through her! He left a part of him in her and for that I am so very thankful!!!! My house was full today. Caroline and Annabelle played, I laughed at Lauren, Jenny and Barbara kept me company, and we all had dinner. It was truly the day I needed-just what Carter would have wanted- food, friends, family, and laughter!!!
With each day, some things get easier and some get harder. I am not sure what tomorrow will bring but I do know this...I am thankful for my family, my friends, my Sweet Caroline, my church, my pastors and for my Almighty God. I am thankful that I have faith and that I can pray for strength and he can deliver.

I hope that all of you read the Thank you from us in Saturday's paper. If you did not, below is a copy of what was put in the paper!!!

Thanks from the family of Carter Harris

It is very difficult to express in words the gratitude we have in our hearts for each one of you. Every expression of your love has touched our lives is such a loving, meaningful way. We know that God has used all of you as an instrument of comfort and joy to our family. Someone once wrote, "I sought to hear the voice of God and climbed to the top-most steeple. But God declared 'Go down again- I dwell among the people.' " We can indeed rejoice that friends like you have made our burden lighter, as you have dwelt among the people and shared in our pain and sorrow.
Carter loved his friends and family so very much. He treasured every moment spent with all of us. You all made his life that much richer. We know that he is so proud to know that you all have been so supportive to us, his family, whom he loved so very dearly. Due to the overwhelming amount of love and support, we could never begin to write a personal thank you to each person that deserves it. Please accept this as our sincere thank you. May peace and joy be your gift this new year. We love and treasure each and every one of you.

The Family

We Love you all!!!!!!


No comments: